Another day, another challenge, this time my thoughts turn to when all the routines of work stop for the school holidays.
When the children were younger these were the times when we would go visit relatives, fit in a family activity, perhaps go to the cinema, or a day out in the country and cram as much as possible into the half term break. As the years have past, slowly but surely my children have become more independent, making their own choices and decisions and I find myself wondering what I should be doing now.
Having had a job for many years that has always allowed me to have the time off with my children used to be a true blessing, but now that they are older and no longer rely on me to keep them entertained I find it is me that needs to become more imaginative with my own free time.
This is proving a tricky one, free time! is a new concept to me and to do as I please and to find ways of having fun without my children tagging along is proving challenging.
Needless to say I continue to seek God’s direction for my life, but I’m not good at putting myself first and indulging in new recreational activities alone. I somehow feel uncomfortable that I haven’t been doing housework or maintaining order for the lives of other family members. Allowing myself to take a break, have some time out and just do as I please feels alien and the pattern of the routines of the past years are something I now find I have become reliant on.
So what do I do? Well I’m working on not beating myself up if I’m not always home before the children, if I’m not always up before the children, if I’m choosing to try something different, it isn’t a crime! I guess I’m evolving into my Middle age years where the mother role is less intense than in the early years and I have to change and adapt to this to cope. Naturally I will always be waiting to meet the needs of my family but I also find this is a time to find my way into the next stage of my life.
V 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.